Two friends, sitting in a cafe, coffee cups on the table between them.
Anna: Can I say something? I don’t think you should build your whole life around one role. A job, a marriage, being a mom, whatever it is. You need other things too. Time for yourself, hobbies, something that’s just yours.
Maria: I don’t know. I like being a mother. It’s what I always wanted. It makes me happy; it makes me feel like myself. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Anna: There is nothing wrong with loving it. I love mine too. But think about it, what happens the day it changes? Your kids grow up. They stop needing you every day. Some move away. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just life. But if being needed is the only thing holding you up, that day is going to hurt a lot more than it should.
Maria: I will still be a mother though. Forever. Even when they are grown. I will be a grandmother one day.
Anna: True, the title stays. But the closeness might not stay the same, and that part isn’t really up to you. It depends on where they live, how often they call, choices they make that have nothing to do with how well you raised them. That’s the part I worry about. If your whole sense of who you are wrapped up in being needed by them, and that need naturally fades, what’s left?
Maria: So what am I supposed to do, love them less?
Anna: No, I love them just as much. I just think you need something underneath that love too. That’s where self-realization comes in.
Maria: What do you mean by that? It sounds like one of those words people throw around.
Anna: It’s simpler than it sounds. Self-realization is basically knowing yourself, really knowing, not just the roles you play or how others see you, but who you are underneath all of that. It’s the ongoing process of understanding your own values, your own desires, your own strengths, separate from what you do for other people. It’s the part of you that would still be there even if every role in your life disappeared tomorrow.
Maria: So like a hobby?
Anna: A hobby can be a part of it, but it’s more than that. It’s knowing your own values and living by them. It’s spending time with your own thoughts instead of only reacting to everyone else’s needs. It’s growing on purpose, not just getting older. Something that’s yours: a morning routine, a book you are reading for no one but you, the little things that don’t depend on anyone else.
Maria: Okay, it sounds so simple when you say it like that.
Anna: It is simple. That’s kind of the point. You don’t need a big plan. You just need a few things that are really, truly yours, so that when life shifts, and it will, you are not left with nothing.
Maria: I think I get it now. Not less mother, just more me too.
Anna: Exactly. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.